Wednesday, February 14, 2024

The Valentine challenge: Will churches support inter caste marriages?



As we come across Valentine’s Day messages, loved up snaps of couples in courtship and already married, it will bid well to go back to the story of St. Valentine. Whether mythical or not, we are reminded of the story of the young priest who gives support to young couples who wanted to get married. The decree of Emperor Claudius that young men should not get married as he wanted a strong army is then challenged and opposed. Valentine is thrown into jail and later tortured and killed for this.

Churches and other religious institutions oppose Valentine’s Day because of the way it has been commercialized and has become a means of selling merchandise including red flowers, cards and other gifts. Special candle light dinners, vacations and offers are also added to the list of temptations. Young couples feel forced to spend money on each other to prove their love. The commercialization of this day can indeed be opposed even though I reject arguments that Valentine’s Day itself is against Indian culture.

Dr. B. R. Ambedkar’ observation that inter caste weddings are the real remedy for breaking caste can be read and interpreted for Valentine’s Day. But what is really happening in India? Marriage murders and honor killings are the rule of the day even in 2024. Either men from a Dalit background are killed for marrying a girl from an upper caste or a girl who belongs to an upper caste is killed for marrying someone from a lower caste or another community. These killings are not limited to certain parts of India only as was seen in 2018 in the case of the torture and murder of Kevin Joseph in Kerala or as late as 2023 when a 14 year old girl in Kerala was tortured by her own father and given pesticide due to which she later died. All because she was in a relationship with a boy from another community. In all cases, the justification of the parents is that they killed because they loved their child!

1 Corinthians 13:6 says that love does not rejoice in wrong doing but rejoices in the truth. Since when has the church started being against love? Or is the church and are other religions thinking of caste over and ahead of God and love? Valentine’s Day is a time to go beyond celebrations and to light a candle for all the couples who deeply loved each other and yet could not live together because of the narrow mindedness of their family, religion and even church. The passion shown by churches to talk about and preach about their community and not about our Lord Jesus means that caste and community matter more to us and this should be called out and rejected at any cost.  

Today is a day of taking a stand, of supporting, of being strong so that those in love can be together. A priest should be a custodian of love, a custodian of couples who are in love and a custodian of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We need more Valentine priests in our midst. Priests who can reflect the zeal of St. Valentine, who gave his life for the happiness of young couples. The church has to also come clear on this and stop preaching importance of community and caste and give protection, legal help and spiritual guidance to young couples from different castes and communities who want to get married. The church has to become a safe space for love, the preaching of love, the enacting of love and for people in love.

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