Prayer for family

Loving God, I thank you for the grace of a loving family. My family includes those who are related to me through blood and those who have become family through love. I am thankful for the gift of family that makes me strong, gives me a reason to work, and makes me persevere.

I pray this day that I may be available to my family, increase the radius of my family circle and be accepted into other families through my acts of Christian love and concern. Father, Son and Holy Spirit, you have been concerned and caring enough to accept me into the circle and family of love that you are. Teach me to love, to be in and of family and to cure and be cured with the strength of family. Whenever cracks appear in my family, help me to soothe and heal those cracks by the strength that I have received from the family of the Holy Trinity. Amen.

Make lent a pleasant experience

Church members differ in the way they observe lent. Some follow all the diet restrictions, some a few and some none at all. The prayers also follow the same route. But the question is who is the good lenter? The one who follows all diet restrictions and says all the prayers or the one who doesn’t see things as diet restrictions but as a way to share what is there with others and who is pleasant and happy while observing a lent?

This brings us to one of the important and yet often ignored aspects of lent. Jesus is clear when he says how fasting should be observed and how one should look while observing a fast. In Mathew 6:16-18 he says “And whenever you fast, do not look dismal, like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces so as to show others that they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward.  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,  so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” It is not to show others but to show our God in private as to how we are conducting our lives. Our fasts and lents look forced upon us and mostly everyone looks like they have a heavy burden upon them which they are struggling to carry and finally do so because they are forced to.

This is why the Lenten season is not a pleasant experience in many of our households. It is a time when children remember that not only do they not get fish and meat during lunch and dinner, but their father and mother put on tantrums and let loose their tempers because they are being forced to fast and lent. Their face shows they are not happy and in the process they also don’t make others around them happy. There is also the habit of people which makes them think that if they have to fast and lent, then the entire family has to do it, whether they do it willingly or not.  This makes revisiting lent every year a terrible experience because children and youngsters don’t have anything nice which they can associate with lent. It makes us a community which is very bitter with lent and with God who we think makes us undergo lent. This is reflected in how people look while they are observing a lent. It also appears to friends, colleagues and family that people who are on lent are moody and angry. So our lent appears to others as having the contrary effect to what lent is intended for.

This is why we must make add ons to substantiate the usual lent because our way of observing it makes others wonder why we observe lent in the first place! What could be some of the simple and yet essentials things we could do so that others will look forward to us observing the great lent every year?

1. Smile at those around you- a simple smile can put others at ease and suggest that we are in a good mood as well. Imagine how it would be if we maintain a grim face and say that we are on lent? Psalm 126:2 says “Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then it was said among the nations, “The Lord has done great things for them.” Smiling at those around us and looking confident is a way of showing others that the lent is doing great things for us and it is not weakening us but strengthening us from within.

2. Spend time with your family- one thing that comes out frequently in families is when the husband and wife who are also the father and the mother will tell each other and their child/children “Please try and understand. I have lots of work to finish.” Lent should be a time when we are with our family. We can cut down or cut out T.V., the internet, social media and work brought home and spend quality time with our family and even friends. Imagine how the children will feel if that happens. They will look forward to every lent because they know their parents will be finally available for them. They will glorify God for times like lent. We can cut out and slow down to ensure that we have more time for our family. At these times our diet will not be a concern because we will have people who matter around us and they will fill our stomach with their presence. 1 Timothy 5:8 says “And whoever does not provide for relatives, and especially for family members, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Observing lent does not mean cutting away from family and friends but rather making time for them in an otherwise stressful life.

3. Forgive others and seek forgiveness-  Matthew 5:23 and 24 says “So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you,  leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.” Having something against someone is like having a mill stone around our neck. We won’t be able to pray when we are thinking about someone who we term as an enemy. It also becomes an additional baggage to carry and we won’t be able to observe lent when this additional baggage is there. Reconciliation is a must and without this lent is of no use. Lent without reconciliation is a way of lying to ourselves that all is well when nothing actually is. Lent minus reconciliation will be a way of justifying not reconciling with someone. It is because the lent will be seen as purifying the person who is observing the lent and demonizing the person with whom reconciliation is not sought. This is a wrong way to observe lent as it justifies our position and takes away the sheen of lent. We must ask forgiveness if we have done something against someone and we must be ready to forgive someone who we feel has done something against us.

4. Concentrate on your lent instead of preaching to others about their lent- there is a tendency in households to advise others about lent and how it should be done. All the while the person preaching is not trying to observe a meaningful lent by himself/herself. This suggests a very sadistic approach from our part. Fasting and lent should never be imposed on someone. It should come from within and we can inspire people to lent but not force them to! Many a time we are bothered about what others are doing instead of concentrating on our own lent. Lent should not be seen as making us holier than others and thereby seating ourselves on a pedestal. Rather lent should be seen as a time when we work on our faults and short comings. We must at all times during lent prevent ourselves from judging others as that will lead to a meaningless exercise of fasting and lent. Instead we should at all times concentrate on our short comings. In many houses the elderly and parents get into arguments with children and youngsters saying that the entire house will be on lent and the head of the house has decided that. What would be more appropriate is to show others the change in us by observing lent. Isaiah 58:3-7 says “Why do we fast, but you do not see? Why humble ourselves, but you do not notice?” Look, you serve your own interest on your fast day, and oppress all your workers. Look, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Such fasting as you do today will not make your voice heard on high. Is such the fast that I choose, a day to humble oneself? Is it to bow down the head like a bulrush, and to lie in sackcloth and ashes? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?  Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?  Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin?”

5. Improve on the Lenten experience- there should be a meaningful reason for everyone to be part of lent. For some eating vegetarian food is not a struggle. For others not eating at all is no big deal as they don’t eat when they work anyway. In such cases there should be more acts of lent which should be practiced. These include abstaining from social media, cutting down smart phone usage, not watching television, doing a carbon fast (which means not using vehicles which emit carbon and thereby contributing to a clean environment), carbohydrate fast, keeping silent and meditating on our life and those around us, calling up friends and family we never usually speak to and keeping in touch with people, asking friends and family whether they need any help in paying bills, getting a government job done for an elderly couple, help with tuition, asking for prayer requests that one can pray over and cutting down on anything that we perceive as harming us. Drinking too much will only weaken us and doing drugs will only confuse us. When we want to strengthen the lent experience we should also stop things which weaken our body and which will ultimately prevent us from doing good. In Matthew 4 Jesus fasts 40 days and he is tempted by the devil. The devil does not talk about small things but about power. The devil tests the standing and power of Jesus by asking him to turn the stones to bread, asks Jesus to throw himself down from the pinnacle of the temple so that the angels can come and save him and finally the devil takes Jesus to the top of a mountain and tells him that if Jesus worships the devil, he will give him all the kingdoms of the world.

So when we lent, if people come and entice us with the promise of power and authority, it means that we are observing lent well. If on the other hand we are always judging and preaching to people about how they should observe lent, something is wrong somewhere. Jesus maintains his cool and composure even after 40 days of fasting. All he says is “Away with you Satan”. He does not talk about his own fasting and does not enter into an argument. He knows that several people are counting on him and so he disassociates himself from power and authority which is on offer to him. This should be the power of lent. To say no and to say it strongly. To know that many people depend on us reforming ourselves. And to lent with joy and happiness never for a moment thinking it is a burden but using that as a way of letting go of all burdens.

Prayer for motivation in work, family life and church

Compassionate God, we come to your presence for realizing our true selves and being motivated to be the best in our field, to be a good father/mother, brother/sister, son/daughter, husband/wife/partner, friend, family and church member. We remember that we have been created in your image and likeness God. You are in us as we are in you. Help us Lord to be the best not in comparison with others but realizing the full potential of God’s presence in us. Every time we turn away from a challenge we are also turning away from an opportunity dear Father. All the arguments and differences we have with others mean we have not absorbed your teaching dear Jesus Christ our Lord. All the negative thoughts inside us negate your presence inside us Holy Spirit. It is not easy to step back and yet we find ourselves stepping back from various challenges in life. It is difficult to step forward and yet if you hold our hands and guide us, we will take several steps forward. May we not get stuck in the past but be enthused by the present and look forward to the future. We may not fulfill the parameters set by others and satisfy everyone around us. But help us to be happy and content with what you have given us gracious God. May every day be a step for you Lord and not a fight against someone else. May every step be a joy and not a burden to carry. May every joy provide hope to move on and express the beauty of our relationship with you dear God. Help us to be something to every single person in our life, not everything to everyone. May a small thing we do be a spark of God and God’s love in the life of those we love and care for. We pray along with our dear departed ones to you Father, Son and Holy Spirit, love without beginning and end. Amen.

The challenges faced by the Jacobite Syrian Orthodox church

Every church is defined by the time it manages to put behind it. The time adds to the seasoning and maturity of its tradition as they stand through the test of times. Every great church tradition is thus a test by time. The tests change with the time as well and become different for changing generations. The Jacobite Syrian Orthodox church is steeped in tradition and time tested beliefs and faith. But with the turn of the century clock come new challenges put forth by the experiences of the younger generations of the church. These experiences are not better than the experiences of the older generations but different. But these varying experiences bring us to the need of having to look at how we can live meaningfully in the church we belong to, even as we continue living our lives in the changing times with new innovations and new work and living conditions.

Some of us resist not just change but even discussing the change we have already undergone. The dichotomy which exists between our secular and religious lives is appalling and yet we choose to ignore it. But ignoring this aspect of our lives will not take away the reality of what is happening. We have members leaving the church for other spiritual expressions, short term gains, due to language incompatibility, cultural problems, misunderstanding of church doctrines and tradition, and isolation by a powerful minority in individual churches. Each reason is a problem in itself and one cannot tell others in one’s church to get out if they don’t like how things are inside. Every member of the church is in possession of the right to belong and be a part of the church and this right cannot be usurped by a certain few.

At times the change which many want to be discussed may not be a change from tradition to modernity but a change from the true faith of the church. Our refusal to discuss and deliberate goes against the very premise of tradition because tradition itself has come out of discussion and deliberation among other things. Some of the challenges faced by the Jacobite Syrian Orthodox church are
1. Language related challenges- English though a colonial left over in India has managed to become a common language in a country like India which has several languages. The absence of a common language otherwise offers this importance to English. Hindi has not come to the level of English as being a common language in India. Also, English is a common business language and so many learn, use and converse in it. The ignoring of this by the church will lead to a vacuum which will be a gap between the liturgy language and the spoken language. Many concepts will go un-understood due to this and the younger generation especially will not understand truly what is going on in church. The same problem arises from Sunday school onwards and continues to the youth which then is brought up in a different spiritual tradition which is completely different from the Jacobite Syrian Orthodox church. The use of language should also include the vernacular languages of every particular region which will give more acceptance to the church and its faith and traditions.
2. Country specific challenges- The faithful in Kerala may not be the same as the faithful in the U.S. or in the Middle East. Even though a good part of the crowd has migrated from Kerala they have changed their mannerisms and their children have completely been brought up in a different culture. One cannot engage this crowd in the same way as we do in Kerala. This seeks for a better understanding of the needs of such a group and what the church can do specifically for them. This includes having priests from the same region for the purpose of the congregation identifying with their priests. Country specific challenges also bring about a change in the perception and celebration of festivals and special anniversaries. These celebrations will be different from how it is celebrated in Kerala and therefore they have to be seen from this context. The church has to accommodate different kinds of people who live in different contexts. The church has to re-interpret the practices of the church with relation to the context in which the church exists.
3. Family challenges- The constitution of the family also undergoes significant changes in different church contexts. The number of children in a family, the concept of equality and acceptance in a family, the role of the woman in the family are all bound to be different from that of how it is in Kerala. Even Kerala will have its own differences. Sermons and discussions in church have to take into account these things. One cannot forget the equality which should exist within family and church contexts. For this more discussions on the church traditions and faith has to happen in an atmosphere of mutual respect.
4. Inter-religious and inter-caste marriages- More and more inter-religious and inter-caste marriages can be seen happening in church. Such couples have to be given help for church related integration and should not be isolated from the church fold. Isolated couples will not come to church and will prefer to stay away or go somewhere else. Sermons in church should also reflect a respect for other religions while we talk about our own. This will give a more accommodative picture about the church and will lead to having a diverse but strong membership within the church.
5. Using the youth and other groups in the church- As in India, the church has a predominant percentage of youth. The youthfulness of the church should be used so that the church reflects this youthfulness. In this sense all groups should be given representation in the church committees. Men, women, youth, and even teenagers should be included. This will bring first hand knowledge of the needs of each group within the church and the committee will be able to discuss these issues while formulating various policy decisions of the church. This representation will also give more transparency and participation.
6. Social issues and the church- The church has by and large been a group which comes together, prays and then disbands. All this while the country and world go through various challenges! This total dissociation with reality throws up several questions on the need for such churches. The continuous expression of the Holy Qurbana through the life of the members of the church calls for an involvement in issues which affect the society and the world we live in. Social issues have to be a part of not just the Sunday sermon but has to be weaved into the over all fabric of existence of the church.
7. Using technology to keep tradition alive- The internet has been a technological evolution which has helped people come together and create communities spanning countries and continents. The use of this technology by the church enhances the options of creating a much deeper bond between members of the church. It also allows an opportunity for the church to explore online counselling, knowledge sharing, information dissemination, and bringing people together.
8. Devising a special Sunday school curriculum- The concept of the Sunday school itself is a mounted concept on the church. The church has to decide on a framework which is children friendly and takes into account the feed back of the children as well. Other initiatives should involve learning different parts of the liturgy as this contains the theology of the church. The children should also feel close to the environment they live in and spiritual enrichment should involve this aspect. The Jacobite Syrian Orthodox church in this way should be child friendly and respect the initiatives by children rather than always dumping imported Sunday school concepts on them!
9. The church as a public platform- The church should not just be a place where we congregate in silence and go away to our homes. They should also be spaces where we are given an opportunity to speak our mind. People should be mindful that this does not mean hurting others and misusing personal feuds. But otherwise people who come to church should sit down and speak to one another and seek to help and guide one another. The priest will play a big role but he should also be helped by both men and women lay leaders in the church.

These points offer an important cross section of the challenges that face the Jacobite Syrian Orthodox church. I do not claim that these are the only challenges though. The need to discuss them is important. But the platform to discuss should be explored. This could be in churches, prayer meetings, houses, online forums and the like. Whatever the route selected the end result would benefit all.

Who is my friend?

Friends are a realistic constant that not only come next to family but in today’s world have replaced family, in some cases, as the number one shoulder one would select to cry on. The transformation has been swift and ruthless and we are reminded of the importance by the soap opera “Friends” telecasted and re-telecasted for years now in India. It is noteworthy to mention how friends become family and stand up for one another which is somewhat new in the Indian context.

But are we ready for this friend concept that is invading our lives and do we need to be more specific when we use the word friend? Our real lives have more or less been replaced by our surreal lives which are not projected to an audience but have taken over the life we are used to. Now even though many would question who or what is real, the fact remains that we have been shifted to a virtual world. This world is very much like the world we live in save for a few problems of identity and privacy.

So the friends culture which is burning it’s sole with protracted re-runs can make a virtual entry and skate board into the visions of online netizens. But what is it that we come across today? Orkut and facebook along with other social networking sites are facilitating the sending of hundreds of thousands of friend’s requests to each other. I get a minimum of three almost everyday. People I don’t know, people I can’t even see a picture of, people who don’t write a message as to who they are (suggesting I might know them), but still asking me to accept them as their friend. What do I do? Do I go on an accepting spree?, do I say no?, do I make sure I know the person?

In my case I am almost forced into accepting requests because of the nature of the job I am into. But I can’t help but think of others who have to accept requests and then realise that it could be their teacher, or parent, or a stalker wishing to intrude into their lives. It’s good to make friends and have a lot of friends as long as one knows who the friend is!