Marriage as a sacrament of love, care and consensus instead of a religious seal for rape

A statement has come from a section of the legislature in India explaining that rape within marriage cannot come under the preview of rape because marriage in India is different from other parts of the world. Due to this any United Nations observation and recommendation in this regard cannot be implemented in India it is being argued. The second argument being put out is that marriage is a holy sacrament and therefore what happens in such a relationship cannot be rape.

One needs to think whether marriage in India is indeed different from other countries? To consider one’s tradition higher than others is very parochial and high ended. Which culture can we refer to in India? Is it a male dominated culture and tradition or is it a marriage of equals which also exists within the Indian tradition? Indians across the board migrate to different parts of the world. When they live in other parts of the world they have to adhere to rules which give importance to equal partnership in a marriage. Will their marriage become less sacred by being in a different culture and adhering to rules which are now being labeled as anti-Indian? Will their economic clout and foreign exchange be less acceptable to the government which thrives on such NRI support?

In many churches the understanding and basis of marriage is played out as the relationship between Christ and the church. Husbands are therefore supposed to sacrifice their lives for their wives just as Christ did for his church. This understanding in some form or the other is prevalent in all religions. What is being proposed by the U.N. is not anything new but what all religions are supposed to do anyway. This is not a foreign imposition of any new law or understanding but what hasn’t been done because of continued male leadership and females adhering to patriarchal leadership norms.

Marriage is an important step in the life of a couple. The religious rite or sacrament is an institutional step which welcomes the couple into a community and makes them take a public decision and commitment in front of elders, women, men, youngsters and children. The main step of the couple is not just a sacrament but the commitment they make to one another.

This mutual commitment goes beyond everything else and despite or in the absence of any other thing, the couple will try and be committed to each other and stay with each other. Such human to human contact and commitment is not forced but is voluntary, mutual and even equal to an extent. Our relationship with God should also be natural and not forced. By saying that what happens in a marriage cannot be brought under the purview of rape, people are questioning the sacredness of mutual love of a couple, their commitment to one another and the love in their marriage. Marriage is not a slave of the state. The state ensures that those who enter a marriage have their rights safeguarded. Religion makes sure that this coming together is blessed with the presence of God in the witness of the particular community of family, friends and well wishers.

Fr. George Morelli puts it such “St. Paul explains this beautifully (the essence of marriage) when he compares the love a man should have towards his wife in terms of the love that Christ has for the Church. "Husbands, love you wife," St. Paul writes, "as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her ... " (Ephesians 5:25). Therefore any type of sexuality, which is self-centered, manipulative and degrading, is impure because it is not based on self-emptying, self-giving, committed, and creating love. Love always has as its center the good and welfare of the individual. It is for our good and welfare that we were created by God, our Father, redeemed by Christ in His act of "Extreme Humility" of embracing the cross, and sanctified by the Spirit whom He sent. As Christ took on our flesh, a man and woman in marriage " ... shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh" (Matthew 19:5-6). Thus the words of St. Paul to the Corinthians have so much meaning: "The body is not meant for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body." As God's love is not casual, crude, rude and self-centered, so too, sexual love should not be this way. As God's love is giving, emptying and creative, so too sexual love should be this way.” This does suggest clearly to us that love and sexual relations cannot be seen from the perspective of how it has been explained recently in India.
Both religion and the state ensure that the people are given their rights and grow up in an environment of trust, love and equality by using religious texts, tradition, theology and the constitution as guiding principles. Religious texts, traditions and the constitution give enough and more pointers on how a marriage should be and how the relationship between a wife and husband should be. Despite this there are attempts within the legislature and the church to oppress certain groups for some benefits.

In the paper “Marital rape: A Legalized Sin”, Anjali Shrivastava, Devanshu Jain and Ayan Hazra identify the short comings of an archaic law which has limited scope for women who are married. The law says that punishment for the spouse can only come about if the wife is under 15 years of age or if the couple are separated at the time of the non consensual sex. The Justice Verma committee constituted after the gruesome rape in Delhi in 2012 proposed that this should be changed and domestic rape has to be brought under the purview of rape. Recommendations made by the Verma Committee include
“i.The exception for marital rape be removed.
ii. The law ought to specify that:
a. A marital or other relationship between the perpetrator or victim is not a valid defence against the crimes of rape or sexual violation;
b. The relationship between the accused and the complainant is not relevant to the inquiry into whether the complainant consented to the sexual activity;
c. The fact that the accused and victim are married or in another intimate relationship may not be regarded as a mitigating factor justifying lower sentences for rape.”
‘Though the committee had recommended the removal of the exception for marital rape, no steps have been taken by the legislation regarding it.’

The query whether India is not on par with other countries brought up the reply on the specific culture and sacredness of marriage in India. Sana Shakil writes that “Marital rape is illegal in countries such as New Zealand, Canada, Israel, France, Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Russia and Poland. It is also an offense in 18 states in the US and three in Australia. A survivor of marital rape in the country (India) can get some relief by filing a case against her husband under 498A IPC (husband subjecting his wife to cruelty). However, the section doesn't clearly define the term cruelty and carries a maximum punishment of three years and fine.” India in this sense does need a clear definition of law and amendment of the law.

The statement on rape within marriage should be seen as a statement against married women and a lack of interest in bringing out real development in the country. Marriage is not a license to rape. Marriage is a commitment to live together in love, mutual respect, sharing and harmony. The only option for a woman who is raped within the perceived sacredness of marriage should not be limited to separation and divorce but also to file a case against the injustice meted out to her. This is what religion and the state should stand for. Anything else will be a blot on our fragile religious harmony and democracy.




Picture courtesy http://www.oneonta.edu/faculty/farberas/arth/arth200/Heroic_Rape.html
Poussin's Rape of the Sabines, painted in the 1630s and today in the New York Metropolitan Museum, may well be the rape image most familiar to American art historians. It illustrates an episode from the early history of ancient Rome. The Romans, unable to obtain wives peacefully, staged a festival, invited the neighboring Sabines, and, at a signal from Romulus, each violently seized a Sabine woman.

It's your fault: A satirical video on the plight of women in India

The culture of rape is being discussed with serious concern in the media and society in India. The Annual Bangalore Inter Theologiate Seminar (BITS) involving all seminaries in Bangalore is discussing the theme "Retrogressive culture of rape: An analysis". I will be using a short video "It's your fault" directed by Ashwin Shetty and starring Kalki Koechlin and Juhi Pandey. The video is a satire on the situation of women in India today. Women are so fed up with the lack of support from men and the antithetical nature of the debate which turns around against them, that the video uses the satirical exclamation "It's your fault". This suggests the conclusion of men of why violence against women happens in India.

According to the National Crime Records Bureau First Information Reports for rape rose by 2.9% in 2012. Even though 95% cases were charge sheeted fewer than 15% cases came to trial in 2012 and only 24.2% rape trials resulted in a conviction in 2012.

The video talks about the wrong notions about women and the violence against women.
1. Men look because they have eyes.
2. Provocative clothing leads to rape.
3. Women are the leading cause of rape.
4. Call the perpetrator bhaiya (brother) and he will let you go!
5. Stop working late.
6. When husbands rape it is not called rape.
7. Food and movies lead to rape.
8. Mobiles lead to rape.

The actual messages that come through from the video are
1. If men can look, so can women. Having eyes doesn’t mean you can look at whomever in whatever way.
2. Provocative clothing cannot lead to rape.
3. Men are the cause of rape.
4. Call the perpetrator a criminal and report him to the police.
5. Working according to your time is a woman's fundamental right.
6. When husbands rape it is called rape. It is marital rape.
7. Mindset and not food leads to rape.
8. Mobiles lead to prevention of rape.

Conclusion.
1. The need for equal and safe spaces.
2. Equality has to be reflected in all spheres.
3. Negating the push aspect of the media.
4. Fixing responsibility on all estates of the democracy and the church.


(Presented in the BITS annual meeting at the Ecumenical Christian Centre, Whitefield, Bangalore on Feb 1, 2014.)

The dissemination of relevant news for reducing violence against women

If one looks at the print and visual media, one is left depressed with the number of incidents on women related violence and rape. This leaves one to question whether the key role of the media of dissemination of information is not being done properly or whether the message is not being understood by the people. There seems to be a gap in reporting and the change which is intended to happen.

The spate of reported incidents suggests many things. It could be that the news is not reaching everyone. Therefore new rules with regard to safeguarding the rights of women have not been distributed to every nook and corner of the country. It could also be that the news has been disseminated but not understood. This means that the urgency and importance of new legislation has not percolated down to the consciousness of people. It could also mean that the entire essence of new legislation, concern for the rights of women and the changing times have not been reported enough. Along with this it could also mean that the usual arrogance that this is only a law and therefore will only be on paper may also be a reason of it not being taken seriously enough.

Somehow somewhere there is a disconnect and a suspicion of a breaking of the link which attaches the legislature and the people of the country. I am reminded of the way sms’s have been used to instil fear in the minds of people. Entire communities took mischievous sms’s seriously and it even lead to massive movements outside a specific territory fearing some kind of back lash or rioting. A few sms’s created fear and a phobia in the minds of entire communities which even lead to the limiting of sms’s for a day. One must say that mobile phone dissemination of news may be more effective than print or visual media distribution of news.

Mobile phone sms messages are quite effective in reaching out to various kinds and groups of people. Religious messages, jokes, quotes and all sorts of messages are sent to various people. This brings about some kind of good effect on those who are reading it. Mobile phone technology and gadgets have also managed to become very popular with various kinds of people. This should be the opportunity made use of during these times.

The government, NGO’s, religious institutions and mobile service companies can get together to distribute sms’s in various languages about the new rules and legislation about violence against women. A concerted and every day attempt at this would send the message across to a large number of people belonging to various age groups, gender and communities. This need not be a political initiative but an initiative by everyone together. Such an initiative may bring about a wider consciousness on several levels on the rights of women, and on how men should conduct themselves within the parameters of the law. Till then despite what has happened in December and the aftermath of it, cases may still rise further and be reported more, making one wonder whether any change has happened in the country despite repeated discussions and decisions in the parliament, in civil society and various forms of the media.

Rape: Passing the Buck

The accused in the Delhi rape case have not got a lawyer to defend them yet. It was reported that when a lawyer came forward, others objected saying that it was not moral to defend the accused because of what they had done. The case will not be taken up unless someone comes forward to represent the accused.

As we discuss the morality of rape, it has struck me so hard that our society has become a mass of people who keep passing the buck. The blame always has to be on someone. On the one hand there are several people who are openly asking for a death penalty, others who are asking for close to inhuman steps to be taken on the accused, and on the other there are political leaders, spiritual gurus and others who have the audacity to question the girl who was raped and killed. They continue the assault by putting forward suggestions that women should dress modestly, not go out after dark and beg for forgiveness if anyone tries to violate their body.

In the entire discourse one cannot notice the absence of self examination, the acceptance of one’s own blame and the crimes committed by one self. Instead everyone is happy to put the blame on and pass the buck on to someone else. This can be seen in all fields and by all institutions.

The police force says that teachers should teach the students well and conscientize them on gender equality and respecting women. The teachers say that children learn their initial lessons from home and are influenced by their parents and therefore they should be a better example. The parents blame religious leaders saying that they are not teaching moral education and religions are themselves very sexist. The media joins the chorus and picks on politicians, the politicians pick on the film industry and all of them have now got together to blame the six accused. But take a look at each of them.

The police force makes simple things like filing a complaint, a woman walking into a police station, and providing protection to women, a very difficult proposition. Teachers and educational institutions are guilty of not encouraging equal conditions for girls and boys, being insensitive to the feelings of girls, keeping girls and boys away from each other and being over protective and indirectly pushing through presuppositions about each other which are not even true in the first place. Parents bring up girls and boys in a different way and still hang on to age old clichés about what they should do and how they should grow up. They also think that time with children can be made up by buying them gadgets and not engaging in any serious talk. Religious leaders and institutions are totally oblivious and blind to how girls and women are totally ignored and are only a part of the system and are no where close to being joint leaders and functionaries. Religious spaces are not open and safe for women as well. The media has over the years ignored several rapes and has not reported several cases were Dalit women were raped. In a country were rapes happen everyday, the media has not reported enough. Advertisements which form a majority of the revenue for media houses portray women in a poor light. Many advertisements show women as mere objects of desire and attraction. This does not give any parity or confidence to them. Politicians in turn pick on the media, the film industry and even Western culture saying that all of these are the culprit. Instead of relooking at laws, making people aware and serving the people well they also look to blame. The film industry is also quick to join the band wagon to blame politicians. But seldom is any introspection done on the kind of movies made. If Indian movies have only moved from renaming the cabre dance as item number, what does this speak of how women are characterized in movies in India? Which Indian movie actress is being marketed as a strong actor rather than a size zero or a curvy bodied voluptuous woman? Why are love scenes and bikini clad women shown when it has nothing to do with the script? Are women portrayed as smart, suave or just plain dumb?

If we want to blame the list is endless. The main thing is that each one of us is responsible in our own way for the plight of women in our country. But we are not willing to accept this. The buck does not stop here, rather the buck is passed on…and on.

Making the church rape free

After a long struggle the symbol of hope for women has died down. We are told that India’s daughter wanted to live and continued to struggle, wanting to come back. Her brutal rape is a reminder of how brutal men in India are. However much we justify our institutions, frameworks, our legislators and our law enforcers, we have fallen short by many a mile. Many people in India sincerely prayed for the recovery of our daughter and sister. But nothing could stop the brutality of the rape, not even the best medical care. Where do we go from now?

I am a theological teacher (facilitator) and a church worker. My area of influence is theological seminaries, students, churches, church women, church men, girls, boys and children. I can’t help but wonder what my response to this highly despicable incident should be? After the strain and work of an academic term, after the joyful work of preaching and announcing Christ’s arrival to church members and the world, I am left drained. Not because of both the things I mentioned above, but because I haven’t been able to stop violence against women in the church and in society. I have been a failure amidst all the success I have enjoyed. And it is because of my silence, lack of pro-active involvement and status quo in the church and in seminaries that I feel this way. Every reluctance of standing for women has meant that I have been an accomplice in every rape.

What am I supposed to do? I am supposed to facilitate a thinking process in the minds of students from various parts of the country and various denominations. I am supposed to teach and practise a thinking process that women are not lesser than men, women have to be respected, women have feelings and the body of women belong to them. I am also supposed to preach and practise the same in church. But I am falling short time and again. Time and again women are not getting justice in church and I go along with the status quo. In all trueness I am not doing my job.

Every religion is supposed to be a protest, a movement asking for change. And yet we are far from it today. Can women wear what they want to in church without hearing a lewd comment in the back ground and being marked twisted? Can women speak in church without being labelled ‘forward’? Can women file a complaint against a church leader/s for harassment, misrepresentation, misuse of authority, humiliation, staring, sexual overtures, and misquoting of scripture? Can women expect the church to support them in the case of domestic violence, marriage related violence, violence at work, violence during public transport, violence at public spaces and violence from the law and authorities? If the answer is no, isn’t the church an accomplice to violence against women?

What am I going to accomplish by lighting a candle in church against the violence and brutal rape and murder of the 23 year old woman? Nothing much I suppose. There are several women in my own church who in all probability are exposed to violence in different places and the church remains silent to this. “Potte mole” (It is okay daughter, let it go daughter) is a constant reminder given to women to forgive and forget. Today has reminded us that we face a grim reality. Part of India has risen up against this. There are many others who have not got support and have been violated again and again. This is the time to fight for all women. No more potte mole. “Unaruvin and poruthuveen” (rise and fight) would be a better slogan for women and for those men and leaders including me who have some sense of guilt left in them.

Protest hard but protest real

It would be wrong to say that India is seeing unprecedented protests following the brutal violence and pain inflicted upon a 23 year old woman in Delhi. My negative statement is due to the protests that we have seen in the past few years in India. India has by and large protested over fuel hikes and hikes in the prices of essential commodities. Over the past couple of years we have seen protests over the Mumbai terror attack, corruption and now the protest to amend the laws with regard to rape.

What has come about from these protests? People have gone back to work and to their lives, waiting for another incident and another day to protest. To the credit of the Indian public, the propensity to come out on the street and offer solidarity for however short a period is commendable. But is it enough and will it bring about any change?

What is the real issue in the present brutal case before us? It is a clear violation of a girl's person hood, freedom, body and spirit. A group of men got together and thought they could do what they wanted in the darkness of the night. The cruelty and the subsequent consequence of the cruelty has brought people out into the streets. It is also a lack of awareness among law enforcement agencies about what constitutes the freedom of a woman and how far they should go to protect this freedom. The issue is also about clarity in laws, punishment based on these laws and additional laws to deter anyone from violating the freedom and body of another person. But the issue has turned into capital punishment and castration of culprits!

The problem with both of these solutions is that one, we are struggling with whether we should do away with capital punishment all together even in the rarest of rare cases and two, these solutions are patriarchal and male solutions.

Capital punishment once upon a time was seen as a deterrent just like nuclear weapons are still seen. But there is over whelming public opinion that this is the most inhuman thing one could do to another person. From a Christian point of view and a non-violent Indian point of view this goes against our very notion as a collective and as a nation. Capital punishment may also result in innocent people going to the gallows simply because the rich will get away with rape and violence and the poor will get raped twice over. If fear in itself would have instilled goodness in people, we would have all been saints. Fear will only instill a sense of deep hatred and criminal tendency which will lead to more fool proof crimes which will become more difficult to detect.

Such solutions go against the violated and the victim. Women through such revenge will be sucked in to the world of male dominated violence which in actuality women detest and oppose. What rather needs to be done is to bring women to the main stream. How many women represent us in parliament? How many women are in church committees? How many women are leaders who make legislations that will take our country forward? The answer would be negligible. In this context what capital punishment would do is to strenghthen the male dominated framework of decision making and violent mode of functioning. This will not deter rape but will keep the basic precents leading to rape intact.

Churches and other religious institutions have to claim their women. The framework of marrying off daughters, teaching them to cook, keeping them inside homes and having them as receptors of religious services has led to the detaching of women from homes and churches. This makes them second class citizens in their own back yard. What security can they expect when they are out in the night? The talk of women reclaiming their public spaces cannot be actualized unless we include home, work and religious spaces in the gamut of public space/sphere.

The street protest now is essential. People have to protest as without protesting they are not human beings. But protesting for capital punishment goes against everything woman. Equal representation for women in all aspects of life would be a better protest to die for. Equal representation in the household, in religious institutions, in property, in security, in articulation and implementation would bring about equal space for women in India. Once this comes into force women will make laws for themselves. All that we are doing now is strengthening the status quo.

The Goan mismatch

The recent speech in the Rajya Sabha by a Congress party member of parliament from Goa, Shantaram Naik, on the rape and murder of a British teenager and the more recent rape of a Russian woman has indeed thrown up a few questions on the intention of the Congress government when it comes to the rights of women. The promise of the president of India on the commitment of the UPA government to bring in reservation for women in parliament within 100 days of the government is lying undisturbed in some remote cupboard in some god forsaken place. But the great explanation by the Congress MP from Goa on the nuances of rape has rubbed salt on the wounds which have been unattended to all this while.

What the honourable member has conveniently forgotten is the many hidden manifestations of rape which never come to light. In his ignorance he has sought to lead this country and its people through the path of retarded growth. All he could bring up in the valuable time allotted in parliament was what could be classified as rape and what could be classified as bringing upon rape due to the behaviour of a woman.

What then would be the undressing of a woman by a man in his mind and having thoughts of committing an act of violence against her? The bible says that if one does this, one has already committed what can be termed a sin. Yet the minister brings the flimsiest of arguments to suggest that women should be careful and not do things that will make men rape them! It is confusing that such leaders choose to disappear when acts of rape and violence are committed by men against women during riots, communal violence and war. In what way did the women lead the men into raping them at these times?

It is time for the Congress to get its act together. This incident has shown that nothing much changes even if a country has a woman president, a woman speaker in parliament and a woman party leader. A member of the same party chooses none less than the parliament to voice views which betray his own take on the subject. The pain is not because of what he said but because the Congress party refuses to take responsibility or action against the concerned person.

The Congress MP has given an image of how women are seen in India.
1. They are commodities owned by men. 2. They do not have a say in their own affairs. 3. Women can be classified as Goddesses on the one hand and sluts on the other. Sluts deserve the treatment they receive from the men of this country. 4. Women from other countries are treated even worse. They are seen as free minds who want to have sex with any man they see on the road. If they protest, they are labeled as drug addicts, loose characters, and maniacs. 5. Women are sluts and men who have a go at any woman are machos and what they do is essentially good. 6. Women have to safeguard the name of the family while men can go out and have a good time.

The troubles and challenges we face are not in Pakistan or China or in Europe. The challenges lie right here, in our minds!