Lent Day 5: Finding a lent partner this lent

Repenting and changing is easier said than done. Many a time we are brought up in a way whereby we don’t know how to identify our shortcomings and problems. We also don’t have positive relationships and friends which and who can tell us how to change without hurting us. Even our partner may have limitations in this regard as lack of time and increasing work leads to very less time left for interaction, let alone to help each other out in this regard. We also need someone whom we respect, can listen to and whose judgment we will accept. This lent partner can be anyone and yet has to be someone who knows us well and is able to invest time to show us who we really are. It can be one’s husband, wife, brother, sister, friend or acquaintance.

St. Matthew 7: 4 says “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye?” What this suggests is that we need help to identify our faults. But we also can’t rush to help someone identify their shortcomings unless we are given permission for that.

Having a lent partner is to get into a positive relationship of friendship whereby both people agree to help each other. One is not above the other and one is not more a sinner than the other. The relationship reflects love and compassion and is to help in every possible way. We need a mirror, a person who can see us and understand us. There are things we don’t know about us and not identifying them and working on them this lent would be a shame because our Lenten experience will be left incomplete.

A lent partner also just does not tell us about things we can change but also tells us things that are good about us. Things which we have never thought about. Small but important things of consequence and value. Something appreciative. A daily conversation in this regard prevents us from searching for the speck in someone’s eye and will help us find the log in our own eye. Such self-appraisal and understanding through someone’s eyes are what we miss during lent and what makes lent the opposite of what we intend it to be.

Having a lent partner is mutual and starts with the interest and permission of someone asking us to be their lent partner. It is not something where we ask someone or force someone to make us their lent partner. It is not one sided whereby we offer our help and do not want to be helped by the other person. The mutual trust, respect and honour are critical to such a partnership.

A lent partner is not just someone who loves us and is concerned about our welfare. Primarily both should be in love with Christ Jesus and follow the teachings of Christ. That should be the first thing in common and the first concern. St. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 8: 23 “As for Titus, he is my partner and co-worker in your service.” It is of concern that people belonging to the same church and even priests who are colleagues find it difficult to share things with each other, because it can be used against them at a later point in their ministry. This is immensely sad and also prevents priests from getting good lent partners.

This can also be a realisation for priests to have their own partner as their lent partner or to have a lay person as their lent partner. The open mindedness to have an un ordained person as a lent partner will in itself be an acceptance of the willingness to be open for repentance and change. May God show us someone who can positively show us our shortcomings and start a conversation which will lead to repentance and change. Amen.

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