Fr. Jerry Kurian is a priest, theological educator and public speaker with interests in blogging, social media, theatre, internet ethics, preaching, life skills and leadership training.
Above is the youtube link of the sermon for Tanya and Deepak's wedding conducted on December 27, 2021 at the Marth Mariam Church (Valiya Palli), Kothamangalam.
All best wishes to Nithin and Pika on your marriage. May God almighty
bless you and fill you with love and patience to start your wedded life with
happiness. May the glorious trinity offer you numerous ways of opportunity and
togetherness that you will always be protected and guided under the wings of
God’s assuring care.
There will be some tension for both of you and it will stem out of the fact
that you have to impress others on this important day. Your dress, how you
look, what you are doing, will all according to you come under the scrutiny of those
here. Although this may be true to some extend this will be forgotten in no
time. What you both need to be concerned about is your married life. Marriage
is a relationship and not a wedding. A wedding can be called off at any time. A
relationship lasts for a life time.
1. Marriage is a Relationship in the form of the trinity
Mathew 19 has Jesus saying that a man will leave his parents and become one
with his partner. It suggests the letting go that parents have to practice. Khalil Gibran says "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and
daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you
and though they are with you yet they belong not to you." One must be, so that
being is understood. God communicates with God’s self so that humans are
created.
If you love somebody it is said, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours.
And if they don't, they never were. Jesus says "
Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator
‘made them male and female,and said,
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife, and the two will become one flesh’(Matthew 19:4-5)
Always be good to one another because you never know when you need each
other. All outward beauty will fade away and what remains will only be the real you. Your
relationship gets a church approval today. But the church won’t play out your
relationship for you. Marriage more than marital living is marital relationship
were you learn to relate and be with each other. This takes a lot of adjustment
and understanding. Nithin has to learn more about Pika that even Pika is
sometimes unaware of. Pika on the other hand has to learn how Nithin clicks.
Priscilla and Aquilla and Joseph and Mary offer viable and credible models for us to follow.
2. Marriage is ministering to one another and as one
another.
Marriage is ministering to each other and then ministering together to
several people. This is not easy as there will be ego clash, difference of
opinion and temper flare ups. There should be a letting go so that love is initiated and not forced. The crown which is blessed is a burden and martyrdom to those who feel it
that way but it is a blessing and an elevation to those who can accept it so. We are in the business of criticizing the church, all the while forgetting,
that we form the church. As a couple you represent Christ and the church.
Everyone who comes to you is your sheep and you will have to shepherd to them.
That is why it is important to be grounded in your love but to not let that
drown you.
Your house is not going to be a house of brick and cement but a house of
love where others can come and just be themselves. On the one hand you have
nothing to prove as an inter racial couple and on the other hand you have
everything to prove as a Christian couple. As Jesus says “This is not meant for
everyone.” This also suggests that a marriage is an ordination to greater
things. It is an ordination to be the King and Queen, the hosts of your house,
making your house a church where people can come and be offered your
hospitality.
3. Marriage is the understanding of love
1 Corinthians 13:1-3 says "If I speak in the tongues of
men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a
clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can
fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give
all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but
do not have love, I gain nothing."
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It
always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor 13:4-7)
We cannot know God without knowing love. God is love. It may take a life time to understand what true love is, it may also take
place very quickly. Love is the basis of your marriage because love is God and
God is love. If you have love there will never be a problem that you can’t
solve. Forget everything else and dwell in the love of Christ offered to you.
Pika represents the church and loves Nithin who represents Christ. Nithin on the other hand
represents Christ and has to sacrifice himself for the sake of Pika. Your
marriage Nithin and Pika is your opportunity to learn the mystery of love. This
is a God given opportunity. In a world and country were we face challenges of
racial profiling, couples like you should be the example of how we are one as a
world and we can live the true gospel of Christ. Christ was neither a Malayali
nor a Naga and yet we love him immensely. Christ has several faces and we
represent one or more of them.
Love is not easy but is a wonderful feeling. Following Christ is not
easy but is a wonderful feeling. Today Christ is inviting us to take up our
cross and follow him, but to follow him in and through love. Amen.
(Excerpts from the sermon preached during the wedding of Nithin and Pika.)
A wedding sermon has changed over the years in church. Earlier it would be a very small exhortation in church and the couple would not be directly spoken to at the time. This changed to a small sermon about how we can examine marriage as a Holy sacrament of the church. Today we have a different model being practiced in the church, depending upon the bishops and priests conducting the wedding and the importance given to the sermon as a guideline for marriage not only for the couple getting married but to others who have assembled in church, many already married.
This particular wedding sermon https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=12&v=tgRQmgbWLUA was preached at the St. Mark's Cathedral in Bangalore. In many weddings bishops and priests don't necessarily personally know the couple getting married and so it is difficult to preach to them on a personal level. This can be fixed if the preacher meets the couple and spends some time with them, getting to know them and making them comfortable. This brings about a relationship and a breaking of ice which will reflect in the marriage service and sermon in church.
The wedding sermon should be simple for the couple and people present to understand and at the same time should reflect the theology of the church. It is a difficult task of balancing faith and actual communication of the sermon. A sermon many a time is not about big words but about simple and digestible words and known concepts put in the correct place at the correct time. For this the preacher can make use of known examples from family life, church life, humor, stories and talk directly to the couple.
Weddings in India usually are conducted in a way that very less importance is given to the couple and instead everyone else gets a chance to wear a beautiful dress, eat good food and take pictures. In the case of a wedding sermon, it is the only time that a bishop or priest can talk face to face with the couple and remind them of what a marriage is all about. Direct eye contact with the couple is desirable, looking in between at the family and others present so that they also feel part of the sermon.
The sermon can't be too long and neither can it be too short. A fifteen to a maximum twenty minute sermon is the most one should try. In the process one should watch the face of the couple and the audience to make sure that they are completely listening to the sermon and understand what is being said.
Finally, give two or three points for the wedding couple and the congregation to take away. The points should be short, easy to remember and identifiable. The points for the wedding in this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=12&v=tgRQmgbWLUA were marriage is a Eucharist, marriage is priceless and marriage is high definition. Even if the couple remember one instead of three it is enough. The objective for weddings in the church now is that the sermon should try and set the tone of the wedding. It should speak to, for and about the couple. The prayers are usually not remembered by those present unless it is said slowly and meaningfully. This is where the wedding sermon becomes a take away for the couple, their family and the participants.
